Non-Jews are for practice
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Houston, we have a squirter
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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