Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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