There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
