Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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