i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
