Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize