We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
