All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
