I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize