I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
