We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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