We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
