just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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