I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
it's like heaven, but drunker
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
