Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You need Xanax blowdarts
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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