I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i believe in u and ur pee
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
