remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
