See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
