so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
