I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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