I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
