he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
