I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
