I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
