Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
