You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You ate ashes out of my bong
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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