i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
