i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
