I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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