the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Everything about him screamed your future.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
