I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
