ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
