Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
