my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
