Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
