I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
