its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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