I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
