69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
