There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
