fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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