I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
