lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
