I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
