FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
