That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
