remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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