She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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