woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
