I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
