They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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