you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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