I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
