I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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