Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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