Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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