she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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