So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
