I wish I could punch you in the face.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
