I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
