my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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