i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
