If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
