I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
