You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
