i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
