what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
