i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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